so let's see where to start.. Since i updated last, i have had ups and downs (but does that really surprise you?) I met with my fav NP at the Dr office. She was great, let me vent my concerns and answered my questions. She checked me at my appointment, and yes i am 75-80% effaced, however no dilation.. That appointment was at 30 weeks i believe. So after two consecutive checks i will finally agree that i am effaced. Now, i know there are a lot of women who are effaced and never dilate.. That is great!! However with all the other complications i have had they want to keep a close eye on me, which i am fine with.. I can't fight medicine, and i trust my Dr's.. So i was go in once a week for a NST, non stress test.. i went and things were great!! then I went the following week and the baby was non reactive, he had some decels so they wanted me watched closer and i was sent to L&D.. After being monitored there for 3 more hours, he was still just to comfortable and chill for the Dr to send me home. so a nurse came and did i biophysical profile. This is where they look at 3 different things and decided if i can go home, the baby needs to be taken now, or if i just need to be monitored. They look at movement, he passed that with flying colors.. they then look at how much amniotic fluid i have, which was great as well.. then they look to make sure the baby is practicing his breathing, this was new to me since i had no idea he did that just yet.. Luckily, he did just fine there.. So i was sent home but told i need to follow up for 2 NST's a week. So now i have this routine of going to the Dr on Tuesday and Friday. It is really not so horrible. I sit in a very comfy chair and listen to my baby's heart and such. The nurse is amazing and one of my favorites there. I still get to work as long as i dont have consistent contractions. I did experience some Braxton Hicks and those were fun, ok not really... but they stopped... so as long as there is no bleeding, no consistent contractions i can work. It is not bad really, i do ok when i am up and going most of the time!! just the aches and pains of the last weeks of pregnancy... So is this good news or bad news? I will leave that up to you. I am happy, Jack is happy and that is what matters most right?
My joke is that after going through all of this i will be induced a week after my due date.. Would that be ironic or what? :)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Blessings and Trials
*Disclaimer-this is a long post and a long story, and may mention words like placenta and cervix a couple of times!*
Where to start.. I have not posted anything on here for the fact that putting it down in words seems to make things so much more real.
Lets start with the Good News, I am 30 weeks!! Every ultrasound shows our Lil Mr looking healthy and growing. He is funny, and hates ultrasounds. He is head down and will hide his face in my hip so we cant see his face at times, or he will kick and push away the Ultrasound probe, i love the personality that he shows already. I am amazed how much i love this little guy, i would give anything to keep him safe and healthy. Most people when they see me are surprised i am as far along as i am. I do not mind though, i move pretty great still and if he is growing right, then i will enjoy being smaller. I was born with a heart problem so i had to have his heart checked out. We went to the Riverton Hospital Primary Childrens Wing and had a fetal Echo of his heart. He stayed in great position for the tech to do the test for a bout 20 min. Then he was done and was turning every direction i guess he was not supposed to go. The tech was really frustrated, which made me laugh (she was not too nice). I just enjoyed the hour long test where i got to see him, and after the Dr gave us the news that everything looks GREAT and his heart appears to be normal. Which means i can deliver here at the hospital close to my house and not clear at the U of U hosp.
Ok so i will not call this bad news, lets just say it is a lot more of a trial than i think i can take some days. Baby looks great and that is what i hold onto. I have been blessed that i will give birth to a healthy baby boy and that is one is a constant reminder in my heart. So, at 24 weeks i started to have some bleeding, now i have had some my whole pregnancy off and on. But on this night i had a not so great feeling about all of this and one i think i have learned as a nurse, EMT and such is to listen to your body. So i called my Dr, he sent me into labor and delivery. They checked me and said i was effaced 80-90%. After a NST i did not show any contractions just some cramping. So the Dr sent me home on strict bed rest till i could follow up with Perinatology on Monday morning, (this all happened late saturday night) so on Monday morning i met with a great dr. She was very blunt and open with everything. She told me she was going to do a test that would tell us if i was going to have this baby in the next 14 days or not. She also wanted to check me and see what she felt i was. Well she did the test first and had it ready to go to lab, she told me if it was positive i was not going home, i was going to L&D to be monitored and i would get the steroid shots for our baby to help with his lungs. Needless to say, Jared and i were nervous. So the Dr checked me after the test and to her amazement i was not effaced at all, I was told my cervix was nice and thick. We were so excited, she decided to not send the test in she new it would not be positive. I was ok with this!! She did notice that my placenta was extremely close to my cervix so they were going to watch that close as it may have been the reason for bleeding. So we were sent home to follow up the next week and then again in 3 weeks. I do not know why i was effaced for one nurse and not for the Dr. i just took it as a great blessing. I went back to work soon after and at 29 weeks i followed up with perinatology again. They said my cervix looked great via ultrasound, and my placenta had moved up away from my cervix, and i was ok to go. I had passed my glucose tolerance test and things were looking good!! I was feeling good!! I have been cleared by my cardiologist that i should not have issues with my heart for this delivery as long as i have an epidural ( that was already a plan so i was not worried), things were looking up!!
Saturday night i was at work and started having some pains in my abd, i figured it was braxton hicks or maybe the baby decided to turn. I was so busy at work i did not think anything of it.. I had not had any bleeding since i was 24 weeks so i was a little surprised when i started spotting that night. I went on with my shift and tried to sit when i could and to take it easy, it was a busy night so that really did not happen as much as i liked. At about 430 that morning i was walking down the hall when i knew something was not right. The bleeding had increased and i was getting nervous. So i paged the on call Dr and took a break. Well after 2 pages and hearing nothing at 530, i did not know what to do. So i called over to labor and delivery and talked to their charge nurse (perks of working in the hospital).. She said i could probably give report since my shift was over in 15 min but to then come over and they will see if they can find my Dr.. So at about 615 or so i checked in to L&D after working a 12.5 hour shift. I was exhausted and tired of complications. Now, i had felt the baby move all night and i have a very strong feeling he was ok, so i was ok finishing my shift.. In L&D they told me my Dr had called and felt so bad he missed my pages (luckily he is so nice i know it cant be easy at 430 in the AM and i was in good hands). He said to have me monitored and he would be in. In the mean time i was to get the first steroid shot for Jacks lungs, in case he decided to come early. So i got the first shot at 730 (umm that HURT!! it was like syrup, but i was tough and did not cry or kick my nurse :)... I was then told to try and get some sleep till the Dr got there.. I was so tired i did not mind that order. Jared was there with me and had his phone to entertain him while i slept and listened to our lil Mr on the monitors, and yes he hates those to, he kicks more on them than any other time (where does he get this attitude? haha, i know its me)... The Dr came in and the bleeding had subsided to scant, barely anything so i felt dumb, but they assured me i did the right thing. The dr then looked at the ultrasound report from the previous Monday and said the placenta looked good so we have no idea why i keep bleeding. He then said he wanted to check me.. To my surprise he said i am 70% effaced.. I was a little taken back. One minute i am effaced and then i am not and now i am again? I am confused and wondering what is going on. So after this he is very glad i got the steroid shots. I was sent home (no contractions showing on the monitor, but to come back if they start).. I had to go in this morning to get the second and final steroid shot (which i almost cried, they are intense, but i held back my tears).. Now i am home taking it easy till another appointment tomorrow with the Dr. They are going to do that test i mentioned that test for a protein that will tell if delivery is coming soon (i.e next 14 days) if it is negative and i am not spotting anymore than i get to back to work with a close eye on me. If not then i guess we will hit that road when it gets here..
I know Heavenly Father has his reasons for our Trials.. I am worn, emotionally.. I do not know what i would do without the Lord, my amazing Jared and my family. The people i work with have also been amazing and so supportive. As for answers i really dont have any except that Baby Jack, looks healthy and content right now. I love feeling him move, feeling when he gets the hiccups..He is adorable, i cant wait to hold him in my arms,however i am ok waiting at least 6 more weeks for that chance... I know there have been many praying for us and we can feel the love from everyone... As for now i just sit and wait and hope GOOD NEWS is to come, but i can say this.. I am grateful for this journey, it is not going as planned, but the opportunity i have had to be here and the promise of becoming a mom out ways all the trials we have had placed in our way.."Come what may and love it"... i am sure trying!!
Where to start.. I have not posted anything on here for the fact that putting it down in words seems to make things so much more real.
Lets start with the Good News, I am 30 weeks!! Every ultrasound shows our Lil Mr looking healthy and growing. He is funny, and hates ultrasounds. He is head down and will hide his face in my hip so we cant see his face at times, or he will kick and push away the Ultrasound probe, i love the personality that he shows already. I am amazed how much i love this little guy, i would give anything to keep him safe and healthy. Most people when they see me are surprised i am as far along as i am. I do not mind though, i move pretty great still and if he is growing right, then i will enjoy being smaller. I was born with a heart problem so i had to have his heart checked out. We went to the Riverton Hospital Primary Childrens Wing and had a fetal Echo of his heart. He stayed in great position for the tech to do the test for a bout 20 min. Then he was done and was turning every direction i guess he was not supposed to go. The tech was really frustrated, which made me laugh (she was not too nice). I just enjoyed the hour long test where i got to see him, and after the Dr gave us the news that everything looks GREAT and his heart appears to be normal. Which means i can deliver here at the hospital close to my house and not clear at the U of U hosp.
Ok so i will not call this bad news, lets just say it is a lot more of a trial than i think i can take some days. Baby looks great and that is what i hold onto. I have been blessed that i will give birth to a healthy baby boy and that is one is a constant reminder in my heart. So, at 24 weeks i started to have some bleeding, now i have had some my whole pregnancy off and on. But on this night i had a not so great feeling about all of this and one i think i have learned as a nurse, EMT and such is to listen to your body. So i called my Dr, he sent me into labor and delivery. They checked me and said i was effaced 80-90%. After a NST i did not show any contractions just some cramping. So the Dr sent me home on strict bed rest till i could follow up with Perinatology on Monday morning, (this all happened late saturday night) so on Monday morning i met with a great dr. She was very blunt and open with everything. She told me she was going to do a test that would tell us if i was going to have this baby in the next 14 days or not. She also wanted to check me and see what she felt i was. Well she did the test first and had it ready to go to lab, she told me if it was positive i was not going home, i was going to L&D to be monitored and i would get the steroid shots for our baby to help with his lungs. Needless to say, Jared and i were nervous. So the Dr checked me after the test and to her amazement i was not effaced at all, I was told my cervix was nice and thick. We were so excited, she decided to not send the test in she new it would not be positive. I was ok with this!! She did notice that my placenta was extremely close to my cervix so they were going to watch that close as it may have been the reason for bleeding. So we were sent home to follow up the next week and then again in 3 weeks. I do not know why i was effaced for one nurse and not for the Dr. i just took it as a great blessing. I went back to work soon after and at 29 weeks i followed up with perinatology again. They said my cervix looked great via ultrasound, and my placenta had moved up away from my cervix, and i was ok to go. I had passed my glucose tolerance test and things were looking good!! I was feeling good!! I have been cleared by my cardiologist that i should not have issues with my heart for this delivery as long as i have an epidural ( that was already a plan so i was not worried), things were looking up!!
Saturday night i was at work and started having some pains in my abd, i figured it was braxton hicks or maybe the baby decided to turn. I was so busy at work i did not think anything of it.. I had not had any bleeding since i was 24 weeks so i was a little surprised when i started spotting that night. I went on with my shift and tried to sit when i could and to take it easy, it was a busy night so that really did not happen as much as i liked. At about 430 that morning i was walking down the hall when i knew something was not right. The bleeding had increased and i was getting nervous. So i paged the on call Dr and took a break. Well after 2 pages and hearing nothing at 530, i did not know what to do. So i called over to labor and delivery and talked to their charge nurse (perks of working in the hospital).. She said i could probably give report since my shift was over in 15 min but to then come over and they will see if they can find my Dr.. So at about 615 or so i checked in to L&D after working a 12.5 hour shift. I was exhausted and tired of complications. Now, i had felt the baby move all night and i have a very strong feeling he was ok, so i was ok finishing my shift.. In L&D they told me my Dr had called and felt so bad he missed my pages (luckily he is so nice i know it cant be easy at 430 in the AM and i was in good hands). He said to have me monitored and he would be in. In the mean time i was to get the first steroid shot for Jacks lungs, in case he decided to come early. So i got the first shot at 730 (umm that HURT!! it was like syrup, but i was tough and did not cry or kick my nurse :)... I was then told to try and get some sleep till the Dr got there.. I was so tired i did not mind that order. Jared was there with me and had his phone to entertain him while i slept and listened to our lil Mr on the monitors, and yes he hates those to, he kicks more on them than any other time (where does he get this attitude? haha, i know its me)... The Dr came in and the bleeding had subsided to scant, barely anything so i felt dumb, but they assured me i did the right thing. The dr then looked at the ultrasound report from the previous Monday and said the placenta looked good so we have no idea why i keep bleeding. He then said he wanted to check me.. To my surprise he said i am 70% effaced.. I was a little taken back. One minute i am effaced and then i am not and now i am again? I am confused and wondering what is going on. So after this he is very glad i got the steroid shots. I was sent home (no contractions showing on the monitor, but to come back if they start).. I had to go in this morning to get the second and final steroid shot (which i almost cried, they are intense, but i held back my tears).. Now i am home taking it easy till another appointment tomorrow with the Dr. They are going to do that test i mentioned that test for a protein that will tell if delivery is coming soon (i.e next 14 days) if it is negative and i am not spotting anymore than i get to back to work with a close eye on me. If not then i guess we will hit that road when it gets here..
I know Heavenly Father has his reasons for our Trials.. I am worn, emotionally.. I do not know what i would do without the Lord, my amazing Jared and my family. The people i work with have also been amazing and so supportive. As for answers i really dont have any except that Baby Jack, looks healthy and content right now. I love feeling him move, feeling when he gets the hiccups..He is adorable, i cant wait to hold him in my arms,however i am ok waiting at least 6 more weeks for that chance... I know there have been many praying for us and we can feel the love from everyone... As for now i just sit and wait and hope GOOD NEWS is to come, but i can say this.. I am grateful for this journey, it is not going as planned, but the opportunity i have had to be here and the promise of becoming a mom out ways all the trials we have had placed in our way.."Come what may and love it"... i am sure trying!!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Answered Prayers
As many of you already know, we are expecting a baby boy in January 2012. I know our battle with infertility was not long compared to many, however, in this time i have gained so much respect for women who go through this trial. I am grateful for modern medicine that helped us to get to this point in life.
As with all blessings there are some trials along the way. I did miscarry last year and so finding out i was pregnant again was exciting and horrifying all in the same breath. I did not want to go through the pain of losing another baby. I had some rough spots early on with this pregnancy and was placed on bed rest for 3 weeks, when i was 9 weeks along. I did not tell anyone i was expecting as i did not want to explain things if something tragic did happen. I know there have been a lot of prayers on our behalf, trust me i have felt them. This little guy is a result of much fasting and prayer and i am so grateful for every kick and poke he feels to offer me. To say we are excited is an understatement. I do not think there are words to describe how we feel about our little boy.
people have been telling me to update our blog with the big news, but a part of me is scared, paranoid and not ready to tell the world.. This world is scary, and i hope i can keep this little guy safe from some of the harshness that is out there.. I also have this fear of telling everyone and then having tragedy strike.. Am i crazy for thinking so? probably, but i am pregnant so i get the right to act a little crazy!!
I would post a belly pic, but that means i would need to have a picture taken and well i don't think that is going to happen anytime soon, lol... and have i mentioned, january needs to hurry up and get HERE!!!
Friday, June 3, 2011
2 years to Eternity
I know i am totally late on this post... Needless to say life has been a little crazy.. However, on May 23rd Jared and I celebrated our two year anniversary.. It was the perfect weekend.. Dinner at The Roof is our tradition and we LOVE it!!! The food is amazing and the view of the temple is to die for.. We then went to the Draper temple and did sealings in the room we were sealed in.. Can i tell you that this is my favorite part of our anniversary? The room seems much smaller than i remember, but i know we fit 93 people in there that amazing day.. To think of all our friends and family surrounding us as we were kneeling at the altar is a memory i hold dear to my heart..
These last two years have been so much fun. Jared is the light of my life and i am so grateful for all he does for me.. I can honestly say i married my best friend.. I love you Jared and look for to the rest of eternity with you!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mommy
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What if.....
April 13, 2011... I thought this day was going to be epic.. Jared would be a dad and i would be a mom.. Well the day has come and almost gone. I cant help but wonder what this day would be like if the miscarriage never happened.. Am i torturing myself to think this way? Many would probably say yes.. But in my opinion i needed to feel sad and need to mourn over a loss.. Yes, this was our due date.. We thought our lives would be changing and we would be going on with a new portion of our lives.. However when i woke up this morning i knew it was not so.. I have left and got out of the house, but the whole world seems to be "blah" today.. The sun felt far away, the laughter of people around from others was a little too happy for me today.
I know there are others out there who have been trying to have kids much longer than us. I am often told "you guys have not been trying that long, i know so and so who have been trying for ____ years.. Yes, its true it has not been as long as others.. BUT it still hurts.. Don't get me wrong i am so happy when i hear other people are pregnant.. I would not want anyone to go through infertility issues.. I am told i need to be patient and i am really trying.. But today is a day i can't help wonder what it would be like...
I know there are others out there who have been trying to have kids much longer than us. I am often told "you guys have not been trying that long, i know so and so who have been trying for ____ years.. Yes, its true it has not been as long as others.. BUT it still hurts.. Don't get me wrong i am so happy when i hear other people are pregnant.. I would not want anyone to go through infertility issues.. I am told i need to be patient and i am really trying.. But today is a day i can't help wonder what it would be like...
Till the Lord decides it is our time, i will try to keep my faith up... Remember we have been promised this blessing we desire..
Friday, February 25, 2011
Magical vacation
Happy place on earth? YES!! a week with no worries is exactly what we got! It was the best trip ever, to have all my family (minus my little bro, whom we missed) was exactly what i needed.. the trip was beyond words so here are pictures instead!! Enjoy, we sure did!!
Sorry for the picture overload, but it was so much fun!!
Favortie moments of the trip..
1. When Peyton saw Belle and said "mommy, mommy look, its you FAVORITE princess!"
2. deep though "all roads eventually lead somewhere"
3. Jared scaring the guy @ the California border by yelling "we're going to disneyland!"
4. Jared asking if Pep boys (we call it peppe boys) was a strip club!!!
5. having the everyone on Pirates of the Carribean (all 12 of us) singing and shouting "we want the red head" or as Peyton put it "we want the rebbed"
6. Seeing Oj and Peyton holding their hands up on all the rides.. they are some tough kids!!
7. buying Malia and i matching minnie mouse ears ( we know fashion when we see it!!)
MOST FAVORITE moments
-seeing the love of my life act like a complete goof, getting his first set of mickey ears with his name, hearing him talk about the magic of disneyland, watching Jared meet different characters, and spending the whole week together!!
- There are many more favorite moments, but there is not enough time to list them all..
PS- we invested in annual passes so this is the first of many trips!!
Favortie moments of the trip..
1. When Peyton saw Belle and said "mommy, mommy look, its you FAVORITE princess!"
2. deep though "all roads eventually lead somewhere"
3. Jared scaring the guy @ the California border by yelling "we're going to disneyland!"
4. Jared asking if Pep boys (we call it peppe boys) was a strip club!!!
5. having the everyone on Pirates of the Carribean (all 12 of us) singing and shouting "we want the red head" or as Peyton put it "we want the rebbed"
6. Seeing Oj and Peyton holding their hands up on all the rides.. they are some tough kids!!
7. buying Malia and i matching minnie mouse ears ( we know fashion when we see it!!)
MOST FAVORITE moments
-seeing the love of my life act like a complete goof, getting his first set of mickey ears with his name, hearing him talk about the magic of disneyland, watching Jared meet different characters, and spending the whole week together!!
- There are many more favorite moments, but there is not enough time to list them all..
PS- we invested in annual passes so this is the first of many trips!!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Loss and Hope
It’s been six months since my wife miscarried
That morning forever seared in my mind
Blood loss, sobbing, pain the unholy kind
In our hearts a lost child we buried
Still, her womb an empty barren desert
No sign of life not even a mirage
Our desires, a vanishing collage
We are dragging with no strength to exert
The image of our unborn child appears
It’s time to drink of the waters of hope
To be renewed and rid of all our fears
Though emptiness is felt it’s time to cope
We will count our blessings within our tears
Together we will weave our child life’s rope
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
He Knows Me
Today I had a lovely visit from my visiting teacher. I forgot she was coming so as i answered the door i prayed i did not look to shocked to see her. I love having my visiting teacher over. She is one amazing girl. Todays visit was one that i needed. I have not said much on here, but Jared and i found some disheartening news about starting a family. I was diagnosed with PCOS last month and i have not known how if i wanted to share this or not on the world wide web. However, after talking to many girls also trying to start their families and not having much success i understand how important it is to share how you feel and to talk to those who are going through similar situations. Yes i started the medication Metformin, which is what they use to treat PCOS, it is said to help regulate your insulin and in doing so helps regulate your hormones and get your LSH and FSH to levels they should be. It makes me sick i wont lie, but I will do whatever it takes to bring a little one to this world. No I am not diabetic, my blood sugar is fine, it is the insulin level that is causing the problem.
ANYWAYS, as i was sitting in my living room talking to my friend, we discussed our miscarriages and what we went through, our feelings of adoption, IVF, and the emotional turmoil this has all brought to our lives. We each have different reasons why we have not had a baby. Honestly,the conversation was something i needed. To talk to her and know that she cared, that understood some of my feelings was something i never realized i needed. I have amazing friends, they have helped me get through some hard times. However, at that moment today, i needed her. And while i was having this conversation i felt a calming assurance that my Savior KNOWS ME, he UNDERSTANDS ME and He knows what is best for me. Even though i did not know i needed this conversation, or the need to talk about how hard it has been or my hopes and fears, HE KNEW... Yes, there are days when i can not look at FB or look on blogs because i know someone is going to announce they are pregnant or just had a baby, and that is ok. I am truly happy people out there do not have to go through what we are. But i am also grateful there are women out there who understand what its like to have a "bad baby day" as my friend likes to call it.
Most of all i am grateful for my Savior, who understands me, is patient with me, and who knows me. This is our trial and we are trying to keep our heads up and our hopes high. There will be days when i feel like i can't take it anymore, but on those days i will remember, HE KNOWS ME and KNOWS WHAT I NEED..
ANYWAYS, as i was sitting in my living room talking to my friend, we discussed our miscarriages and what we went through, our feelings of adoption, IVF, and the emotional turmoil this has all brought to our lives. We each have different reasons why we have not had a baby. Honestly,the conversation was something i needed. To talk to her and know that she cared, that understood some of my feelings was something i never realized i needed. I have amazing friends, they have helped me get through some hard times. However, at that moment today, i needed her. And while i was having this conversation i felt a calming assurance that my Savior KNOWS ME, he UNDERSTANDS ME and He knows what is best for me. Even though i did not know i needed this conversation, or the need to talk about how hard it has been or my hopes and fears, HE KNEW... Yes, there are days when i can not look at FB or look on blogs because i know someone is going to announce they are pregnant or just had a baby, and that is ok. I am truly happy people out there do not have to go through what we are. But i am also grateful there are women out there who understand what its like to have a "bad baby day" as my friend likes to call it.
Most of all i am grateful for my Savior, who understands me, is patient with me, and who knows me. This is our trial and we are trying to keep our heads up and our hopes high. There will be days when i feel like i can't take it anymore, but on those days i will remember, HE KNOWS ME and KNOWS WHAT I NEED..
Monday, January 10, 2011
Welcome 2011
Its a new year, i have seen many blogs talking of goals and new hopes and dreams. 2010 was a great year, well most of it. Jared and i grew in so many ways. I graduated from nursing school and was blessed to walk into a job. We have been blessed with health. There are a lots of things we dream to accomplish this year. There will be moves in where we live, hopefully Jared will start school full time and dreams we hope to achieve... I hope everyone had happy holidays and enjoyed time with family and friends!! Here is to a year where dreams come true...
PS- to start our great adventure of 2011, we are going to Disneyland in Feb.. Jareds first trip!! pictures to come after the trip!! we are beyond excited for a vacation to the happiest place on earth!!
PS- to start our great adventure of 2011, we are going to Disneyland in Feb.. Jareds first trip!! pictures to come after the trip!! we are beyond excited for a vacation to the happiest place on earth!!
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