April 13, 2011... I thought this day was going to be epic.. Jared would be a dad and i would be a mom.. Well the day has come and almost gone. I cant help but wonder what this day would be like if the miscarriage never happened.. Am i torturing myself to think this way? Many would probably say yes.. But in my opinion i needed to feel sad and need to mourn over a loss.. Yes, this was our due date.. We thought our lives would be changing and we would be going on with a new portion of our lives.. However when i woke up this morning i knew it was not so.. I have left and got out of the house, but the whole world seems to be "blah" today.. The sun felt far away, the laughter of people around from others was a little too happy for me today.
I know there are others out there who have been trying to have kids much longer than us. I am often told "you guys have not been trying that long, i know so and so who have been trying for ____ years.. Yes, its true it has not been as long as others.. BUT it still hurts.. Don't get me wrong i am so happy when i hear other people are pregnant.. I would not want anyone to go through infertility issues.. I am told i need to be patient and i am really trying.. But today is a day i can't help wonder what it would be like...
Till the Lord decides it is our time, i will try to keep my faith up... Remember we have been promised this blessing we desire..
