April 13, 2011... I thought this day was going to be epic.. Jared would be a dad and i would be a mom.. Well the day has come and almost gone. I cant help but wonder what this day would be like if the miscarriage never happened.. Am i torturing myself to think this way? Many would probably say yes.. But in my opinion i needed to feel sad and need to mourn over a loss.. Yes, this was our due date.. We thought our lives would be changing and we would be going on with a new portion of our lives.. However when i woke up this morning i knew it was not so.. I have left and got out of the house, but the whole world seems to be "blah" today.. The sun felt far away, the laughter of people around from others was a little too happy for me today.
I know there are others out there who have been trying to have kids much longer than us. I am often told "you guys have not been trying that long, i know so and so who have been trying for ____ years.. Yes, its true it has not been as long as others.. BUT it still hurts.. Don't get me wrong i am so happy when i hear other people are pregnant.. I would not want anyone to go through infertility issues.. I am told i need to be patient and i am really trying.. But today is a day i can't help wonder what it would be like...
Till the Lord decides it is our time, i will try to keep my faith up... Remember we have been promised this blessing we desire..
For sure you need to mourn the loss of that little baby. It was your little one (who I believe you'll see again some day). And if you need to be sad, angry, or whatever other emotion you feel, then feel it. Because it doesn't matter how long the struggle has been going for you (or for anyone else), its still your struggle and it just plain sucks. I love you Miriam and if there is anything I can do for you, let me know. Do try to keep up your faith and pray pray pray. He hears you and He'll answer you.
ReplyDeletei agree, you need to mourn. keep the faith! He know's how you are feeling, He is there to comfort you, He is there guiding you. Keep listening for Him, He Loves You! being paitent is hard!! :( Love Love Love you and jared! *hugs* on such a hard/crappy day!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the love and support from you guys love you too
ReplyDeletewe love you two.
ReplyDelete*hugs, kisses and prayers*