He Knows Me

Today I had a lovely visit from my visiting teacher. I forgot she was coming so as i answered the door i prayed i did not look to shocked to see her. I love having my visiting teacher over. She is one amazing girl. Todays visit was one that i needed. I have not said much on here, but Jared and i found some disheartening news about starting a family. I was diagnosed with PCOS last month and i have not known how if i wanted to share this or not on the world wide web. However, after talking to many girls also trying to start their families and not having much success i understand how important it is to share how you feel and to talk to those who are going through similar situations. Yes i started the medication Metformin, which is what they use to treat PCOS, it is said to help regulate your insulin and in doing so helps regulate your hormones and get your LSH and FSH to levels they should be. It makes me sick i wont lie, but I will do whatever it takes to bring a little one to this world.   No I am not diabetic, my blood sugar is fine, it is the insulin level that is causing the problem.
  ANYWAYS, as i was sitting in my living room talking to my friend, we discussed our miscarriages and what we went through, our feelings of adoption, IVF, and the emotional turmoil this has all brought to our lives. We each have different reasons why we have not had a baby.  Honestly,the conversation was something i needed. To talk to her and know that she cared, that understood some of my feelings was something i never realized i needed. I have amazing friends, they have helped me get through some hard times. However, at that moment today, i needed her. And while i was having this conversation i felt a calming assurance that my Savior KNOWS ME, he UNDERSTANDS ME and He knows what is best for me. Even though i did not know i needed this conversation, or the need to talk about how hard it has been or my hopes and fears, HE KNEW... Yes,  there are days when i can not look at FB or look on blogs because i know someone is going to announce they are pregnant or just had a baby, and that is ok. I am truly happy people out there do not have to go through what we are. But i am also grateful there are women out there who understand what its like to have a "bad baby day" as my friend likes to call it.
Most of all i am grateful for my Savior, who understands me, is patient with me, and who knows me. This is our trial and we are trying to keep our heads up and our hopes high. There will be days when i feel like i can't take it anymore, but on those days i will remember, HE KNOWS ME and KNOWS WHAT I NEED..