to laugh, cry, and just be me

Its late for me to be up.. Jared is not home yet, so i am surfing blogs. I have come upon a couple from my aunt Laurel who talks about my grandparents who left us way to soon. As i sit and read the entries, tears seem to fall down my cheeks. I wish this was a new thing for me, but tears are something that seem to come often lately.. Why the tears? Why do i feel the urge to cry over a simple saying i read, a status update on FB from my sweet cousins who have lost their mom, commercials on TV or the newest thing to cry over, JUST BECAUSE.. I wish i had the answer ( it maybe the simple fact of nursing school stressing me out),  many times i have wondered if my wish has been answered of being a mom, but all the tests point to negative.. "It will happen when its time" are the words i am told and i do believe them. It is just hard to accept at times. I will be honest and thought it would just happen and it would not take time.. I guess the Lord knows best and things will happen in their own time and place. As for tonight, i will miss my husband (even though he is just at a movie with some friends), and enjoy the tears i have. I am grateful to be me.. I cry when i am sad, laugh when i am happy, and i have been taught by inspiring women to never be ashamed to feel the emotions i do. So till the Lord decides it is time for our wish to be granted, i will love my tears, my smiles, my ever changing emotions and enjoy thinking of those i love that have gone before me. I have a whole six day vacation from school so i guess these emotions are finally finding time to surface... I would not say i am depressed, just a little emotional..