Did you hear? I am a REGISTERED NURSE!!

This Labor day weekend has been a long one coming.. I sat for my RN boards on Friday. When you sit for boards it feels like you are going into a prison, you have to turn your pockets inside out, no watch, chewing gum, etc.. As i sat down to the computer i offered one last pleading prayer and began the grueling test. With this test it is $300 big ones each time you take the test, so needless to say i was praying that i only had to do this once. As the test started i was shaking so bad from nerves i thought i was going to puke. You can get anywhere from 75 to 265 questions. The computer uses an algorithm to determine if you are a safe nurse or not. I figured since i am not the best test taker (my wonderful anxiety) i would get around 150 questions. When i hit 75 and the test went on i was not surprised. The questions were getting harder and i felt like i was guessing on a lot of them. After question 76 the computer shut off and the test was surprisingly over. I was ready to puke. I was sure i had failed. I tried to hold it together as i checked out of the testing center. I walked out and immediately called an instructor and cried to her. The test was HELL to put it nicely.. After not sleeping, or eating much for two days i decided i had to let it go. I sat in sacrament feeling peace that i had not felt all week. I was determined whatever the outcome was i knew i could get through it. Well as i was sitting in primary with my sunbeams my husband had my phone in his pocket and told me two girls from nursing school had just called and text me. So i grabbed my phone and dashed out into the hallway. As i heard results were up but i had to pay for them, i raced back in and grabbed my wallet, while i left my husband to watch my little sunbeams. As my friend entered the info for me i was shaking so bad.. she got on and told me i PASSED and i lost it right there and started crying. This is something i have dreamed about for SO LONG!! i did it, i am a registered NURSE!!!  My husband and family were so good to me this last weekend, I know i was NOT fun to be around at all. But they never stopped with the words or encouragement and telling me they believed in me.. The friends i have made in nursing school will be friends for life.. It is crazy to me that this little chapter  (longer that it should be) of my life is over.. Now onto saving people!! Thanks to everyone who has cheered me on and who has believed in me.. I could not have done this without any of you... I DID IT!!!!!

Broken Heart

When i write here i often feel as if it is a journal that i allow the world to read. There are things i will not share as they are to personal for me. However, i feel somethings i need to write about to help myself heal. This last week has been full of ups and downs. Excited when we learned we were going to be parents. The news was something we have been hoping for. However, something did not feel right to me. I thought i was being paranoid and went on.. I was going to put in the call this week to the OB and get the fun going. However heavenly father had different plans and we miscarried the baby on sunday. I never understood how something could hurt so bad when all i really had a was little stick that read Pregnant when i read it. However, the tears do not explain or even touch the hurt, despair and helplessness i felt and i know jared does as well.. I know there is more to heavenly Father's plan. He has more in store for Jared and I and we hope to become parents one day. So along with the tears and pain, i feel a sense of hope. A promise i know the Lord will fulill one day. So till then, i welcome the tears and the hurt so i can learn from this experience and Hold onto the Gospel, stay close to the Lord.. We have been promised to be parents one day, so that is what we will hold onto..

waterfalls and dancing

Scott provided the dancing entertainment

Jared beat me to the waterfall

Trying to smile even though we were so TIRED!!

then we found THIS!!

Dave showing his manly muscles!! 

Time for some food for Jared

The hill was too steep to walk down so jared went on his bum...

The Newlyweds came out of hiding for the weekend!!

 we are a little fuzzy in this pic but we had lots of fun!!

I think this is my favorite picture of the day!! 

They are so CUTE!!

Trying to get the energy to hike back to the car..

Did I mention how pretty it was?

On our ride home.. it was seriously the funnest weekend

we went rafting down the provo river earlier that day so we were so exhausted but well worth it!!

Thanks Harris Family for such a great weekend!!

Brown Eyes

Lying down I stare into your brown eyes

As lovers connect by power of gaze
I see fire from your spirit inside
I know within, there is no end of days

You are a cherished daughter of our God
You know water you've been through fire
You are a new creature, one of our Lords odd
You have a will that will never tire

As our spirits connect and dance awhile
I feel our unborn children around us
The're proud we are enduring our trials
They know in us they can forever trust

Behind your brown eyes I see a good wife
Who always knows how to help me through life

Enjoy the Moment

The discussion of what our future holds is a conversation Jared and I have often. When we think about all that we want to do in life i get excited for the school and education part of our lives to be over with and rest of our lives to begin. However, i wonder if  i know how to stop and enjoy the moment. I once wondered if i would get married, that happened, i then wondered if i would ever accomplish my dream of being a nurse,  and with a less than a month left of school i find new things to wonder. I ponder if i will ever get the dream job in nursing that i want (or even a job these days), will i ever be a mom, will i ever get down the finances, will my student loans ever be paid off, will we ever get the home we want,  etc. I have had this conversation with jared many times. I look at others and wonder if i will have what they do, because i swear things always look better when others have them. As i have talked about this more and more lately i have began to wonder if i can slow down and enjoy where i am at in life and savor the moment. Life is simple right now. It is Jared and I at night, we eat dinner, clean the house, go on walks to get ice cream (love the 50 cent ice cream cones at Macey's) and we talk, laugh, and go to bed.. Sure finances give me a headache because as students do you ever have enough to survive? Miracle by miracle we make it pay check to pay check, with the idea we are suffering now to make a better future for us and our children to come. So why can't i just stop and enjoy where we are in life? Why do i constantly have something else i want to do or have someone else i want to be like? Do i have a fear of enjoying the moment? I am a busy body.. My husband often tells me he never knew life was so busy till he met me.. I keep us running, striving to be better, going a thousand places.. I do not like to just sit at home usually. Will i go crazy when nursing school is over? To just work 3 days a week and not have school, that sounds wonderful and terrifying at the same time.  I guess my new goal is to enjoy the accomplishments i have now and remember there will be a time when i will look back and try to remember the simplicity life is right now.

Daddy oh Daddy

I am told i act like my father and look like my father. 

Is this a bad thing? NOPE!! i think he is pretty cool and so much fun to be around! 

On fathers day i was not able to spend the day with him, 

but i spent the previous week with him so i think that is ok. 

I love my dad and i have been taught so much by him. 

My dad works so hard to keep our family close.  

He is my hero. My dad would spend every moment with the family if he could. 

I love this man and i am so lucky to have him as my father. 

Thank you dad for all you do!! i love you!

and then there were 4...

I have used the phrase "till we meet again" one too many times lately.. However saturday afternoon i got the call from my dad that my uncle grant (the one in the middle) was in the ICU at IMED in SLC and was not going to make it.. I was in a deep sleep that saturday afternoon, however Jared and i were soon up and packed for the night and headed to the hospital. When we arrived i was met by my aunts and cousins.. Grant was hooked up to every monitor possible and for once in my life i was wishing i did not know so much about the medications he was getting and the severity of the condition i was encountering. I love medicine, but when i am the family member there seeing another family member in the hospital i am NOT a fan. Grant was taken off life support and returned very quickly to be with his parents whom i know were there waiting for him. Grant was such a great man!! The last time i saw him was at draper historic theatre where he was in many plays. The last performance i saw him perform was one of my favorites. Grant was the cowardly Lion in the Wizard Of Oz and he was SPECTACULAR!! i was in tears because i was laughing so hard. This is the first family member for me that i have lost besides my grandparents and it hit me that our lives are so short in the scheme of things. I am so grateful for my Savior, for the Gospel and all that i have been taught. I know this is not the end, its just a goodbye and while i do not like saying over and over again, the phrase is true and brings peace to my heart.. I love you Grant, thank you for the laughs, give grandma and grandpa a hug for me... You were my favorite performer and i am going to miss you.. Till we meet again..